Dear Father..

Dear Heavenly Father,

It has been more than 7 months, August 05, since we left our church of 14 years. I do not sleep well most of the time. The church was small but we genuinely loved everyone. We do not seem to be greatly missed. The Pastor made it a point to call me two times since we left - the last time being September 05. We hardly have heard from anyone.

I feel isolated and alone. I know You are with us, and I ever look to you. You know my heart better than myself, and my trust is ever in You. You are God and there is no other. I need to know where we belong.

While I have answered freely anyone who has asked I have not sought out people to speak to about the place we left, nor volunteered the several reasons behind our leaving. I spoke with two couples in my band. Only when asked directly about it have I spoken to anyone else, although I have been spoken about, and publicly referenced on their website - a website that I established. I was not mentioned by name, but those who read understood as did that I was being referenced, and inferred as having been "purged" from the church.

It is hard O God to begin again. I feel guilty for having stayed as long as we did when it is so evident that we have not belonged for several years now. Leaving has been good for our 16 year old. There was no youth group for him where we were, nor was he included in anything. Even when the other two or three teenagers at church were mentioned his name was noticeably left out. It hurt him, and us. Our son seems to have found his niche in the large church we have been visiting for several months as the youth group has welcomed him with open arms. He has been blossoming there as he has seen other people his age loving You, and it has blessed us to see it.

Our daughter is having a more difficult time. She enjoys the classes where we are, and the friends she has made, but the church we left was all she has known since birth. She misses it, even though she tries to understand that daddy had to leave it.

My wife would have had us leave 3 years ago, and I should have listened to her. The church had already been changing for a year at that time. Not changing in method, but changing in what I believe were core beliefs. From that time on I was on the outside. I resigned a leadership position because I did not want to be hypocritical. I did not think I should be in leadership if I did not believe in the direction the leadership was taking. I told myself I would just be a laymen with a different opinion on some things, but still support the church I loved where I could. Sadly I was included less and less until I knew nothing that was going on, nor did I feel particularly welcomed. The past several months, and the un-named reference to me on the website, have shown how little we have been missed.

So here we are without family nearby, and just a few of the dearest friends for which I am thankful. My wife and I came to the conclusion that if we are ever going to know anyone at the large church we have been visiting we would have to start attending some Sunday School classes, and we have been to three. While we don't know anyone the folks seem friendly enough. It is hard to feel so alone, and I am so thankful for the band - an oasis of normality for me.

I just wanted you to know that I trust you Father, and I love you. I know that you love me. You see not only these things, but the other trials - personal, financial, etc - that we are going through as well. Make me a better husband, and a better dad. Let me know your presence in every turn of life. Thank you for my family, and our few but dear friends. Thank you that we are clothed and fed.

Hold me O God when it is cold outside.