He will make my feet like deers feet...

Sometimes it seems that life has a way of moving from one "crisis" to the next. Crisis is probably a bit too strong for some things, but my point is I find that I am always looking for the smooth path, but keep finding myself barefoot on one strewn with craggly rocks, or at least really irritating gravel. Recent weeks have been a mixture of both.

First the rocks, or more aptly a very heavy and hard rock. My stepson, the boy I have raised as my own since he was 2, in the past couple of months has gone to live with his natural father. He is 16 now, and I can't say that I am all that surprised the day came. When he was young I suspected that one day it would, I just wish it had come about differently.

While I was at work late one night he asked his mother if he could go somewhere, and she said no. He didn't like her answer, lost his temper,and became very disrespectful. My wife called me home from work crying, and when I got to the house the young mans dad was already there, and our son was packing. Of course I was not happy with the way he had spoken to, and treated his mother. That he wanted to live with his dad, something he has never done, was no surprise but I would have preferred, and told him so, that he had just calmly said that was what he wanted to do instead of making it seem that he left one day because he didn't get his way about something. I'm sure living with his dad was something he had naturally thought of at times, and perhaps the anger of the moment was his catalyst for bringing it about.

The rules at his dads are different than ours, and he probably has more freedom to run a bit. That is a bit of a concern to us, but he has a good heart, and his dad has his best interest in mind, so we are not really concerned for his physical safety or anything. It is just difficult to relinquish responsibility for a child you have lovingly cared for and watched grow. He is only 30 minutes away, but we miss him. He calls his mother regularly, for which I am glad, and also speaks to his sister- our daughter. When he speaks to me things are fine, but he doesn't call me specifically. I was disappointed on Fathers Day when there was no call. I didn't expect a gift, but I thought he might call.

"Stepdad" is not an easy thing to be. I wouldn't trade being that to him, but if either he, or his sister, were to tell me one day they were thinking of marrying someone with a child I would have to seriously counsel them to consider the cost. As a step parent you will always be, and I guess rightfully so if a natural parent is still in the picture, in second place. Sometimes it feels like a distant second place. That is not to say that step-parenting is without its rewards of love and seeing a child grow and trying to be an influence for good, but it is not easy. I married his mother when he was 2. I love the boy. I could have used that phone call.

Our daughter, my little pride and joy, hasn't said much about her brother leaving. She has a way of internalizing things but she seems ok, although I know she misses him desperately. Since school is out she is spending more time on her piano lessons, and she's been decorating her bedroom. She remains a bright spot for her mother and me in the midst of so many other things happening at once.

My fatherinlaws health continues to be precarious as we are told that his heart is functioning at 10%. My grandmother for the past several months appears to have given up on life as she has told me several time that her "race is run". Two weeks ago she fell and broke a hip. She has been in the hospital since, and not at all doing well. She is, quite simply, dying. She knows this, but is not upset about it. While she seems content to go, it is difficult for her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to know that a good-bye is coming.

The irritating gravel has been around too. I bought a new PC with the intention of paying it off quickly but the very next week my car developed problems which required money I had put back for vacation. Now the "quick"payments I had intended for the computer are put off as I try to find money to put back for vacation. My wife's van is in terrible shape, and the air-conditioning fan on my car quit yesterday.

Two years ago I was involved in what I thought was a minor car accident in a restaurant parking lot, but I find that I am now being sued. The insurance company has provided a lawyer, but we have never been involved in anything like this, and my wife ( even though I am the one being sued) is stressed with this happening along with everything else. I guess I tend to be too sometimes.

So life keeps happening and I find the road of late not smooth very often. We are not starving, and we are healthy, and there are folks much worse off than we and while this reads like I am complaining I suppose I am really just venting. As I try to find meaning in the rough spots, and what God would develop in me, I remind myself of Habakuk 3:19

The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deers feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills.

I know that climbing the high hills is what puts strength in our legs, and builds character. I am promised that I am never alone, and that He is my strength. In the midst of our trials we are family that loves each other, and we have good friends. The Lord is good, and will see us through these things. When we are weak He is strong. During these times I know that I am very weak.

His Grace is sufficient.